Blah Blah Blah

A farmer wants to get his two female pigs pregnant but he can't afford
the stud service so he goes to the Vet.

Farmer- " Hey doc I've got these two pigs I want to breed but I can't
afford to stud 'em, is there anything cheaper?"

Vet- " Well there's artificial insemination - Blah Blah Blah " He goes
on to describe some pretty expensive procedures all of which are out
of the farmer's price range.



Farmer- " No none of that stuff will do, Its too expensive, anything
else?"

Vet- " Well, not many people know this but human DNA is close enough
to pig DNA to produce offspring. Here's what you do - take your pigs
out at night, load them in your pick-up, take them out to the fields
and have sex with them. No one will know what you're up to and you'll
get them pregnant."

Farmer- " How will I know they're pregnant?"

Vet- " If they're pregnant, they'll be lying in the shade the next
day."

So the farmer follows the advice and that night he struggles to put
the pigs in the truck, drives out, porks them, and drives back later
that night. The next day the pigs are just standing around. So the
next night he does it all over again only he porks each one twice and
drives back even more tired. Next day - nothing , they're just walking
around. So he goes out again, porks them three times each and comes
back in more worn out than ever. This goes on for the rest of the week
and by Saturday the farmer is too tired to get out of bed so he asks
his wife to get up and look outside at the pigs.

Farmer- " What are the pigs doing dear?"

Wife- " I don't know, one of them is jumping up and down in the back
of the truck and the other is blowing the horn."

Prepare three envelopes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech
corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and
presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up
against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales
took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his
wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took
out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at
the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press --
and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the
problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in
sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his
previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The
message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly
rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again
fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door
and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

In a biology class

In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found
in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I
understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male
semen?"

"That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had
inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
without a word and walked out of class...and never returned. However, as
she was going out the door, the Profs reply was classic... Totally
straight-faced he answered her question, he stated
"It doesn't taste sweet, because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the
tip of your tongue".