A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her
bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully
says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to
enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has
happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror mirror on
the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright
flash and both his legs fall off.
Sunday, 9 December 2007
[UPI,Portland, OR]
Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man
shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky
to be alive, and will be released soon from the
hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
last weekend during an initiation into a men's
rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants
Pass,Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right
eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter
to the left, a major blood vessel would have cut
and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University
Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8
to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at
the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had
Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he
surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards he and his friends had been drinking
that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
dumb about this." (I would feel 'dumb' too if that
much of my brain had been skewered - KEB)
No charges have been filed but the Josephine County
district attorney's office said the initiation stunt
is under investigation.
shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky
to be alive, and will be released soon from the
hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
last weekend during an initiation into a men's
rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants
Pass,Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right
eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter
to the left, a major blood vessel would have cut
and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University
Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8
to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at
the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had
Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he
surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards he and his friends had been drinking
that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
dumb about this." (I would feel 'dumb' too if that
much of my brain had been skewered - KEB)
No charges have been filed but the Josephine County
district attorney's office said the initiation stunt
is under investigation.
TIME WARPED
I had gathered my first-grade class around me to teach them to tell time
using a conventional-style analog clock. We'll be learning about the
hour hand and the minute hand, I explained. One of my students
interrupted and said, "I don't need to learn on that kind of clock. My
dad bought me this digital watch, and right now it's 10 minutes to 38."
using a conventional-style analog clock. We'll be learning about the
hour hand and the minute hand, I explained. One of my students
interrupted and said, "I don't need to learn on that kind of clock. My
dad bought me this digital watch, and right now it's 10 minutes to 38."
Susan K. Toth in Reader's Digest
A Blonde
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she
decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree
next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A
Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home
to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and
sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The
Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
"How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree
next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A
Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home
to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and
sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The
Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
"How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Letter from Daughter to Parents
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss
in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having
written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on,
please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it
caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get
those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant
at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire
department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since
I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough
to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room,
but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in
love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but
it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward
to being grrandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason
for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection
which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly
caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections
I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and
although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different
race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not
permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker
than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is
good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the
village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was
no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was
not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have
syphillis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting
a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks
in the proper perspective.
Yours-
Your Loving Daughter
The Wipe-Up
Find a friend who likes to show off or prove himself all the time, then
tell them you have a test of speed and reaction for them and that you
think you are faster. what you do is pour some water on a tile floor (a
puddle about 10" wide works well), grab a fork and a towel and tell them
you think you can wipe up the water before they poke you with the fork.
Also tell them that you are really quick and to make it fair they need to
sit on the floor near the puddle with their legs spread to the sides so
the puddle is between their knees. Here is where the fun stuff comes in,
tell them to go on three, then start counting (all the while you are
holding the towel) one - two - th....grab their feet and drag their ass
through it
tell them you have a test of speed and reaction for them and that you
think you are faster. what you do is pour some water on a tile floor (a
puddle about 10" wide works well), grab a fork and a towel and tell them
you think you can wipe up the water before they poke you with the fork.
Also tell them that you are really quick and to make it fair they need to
sit on the floor near the puddle with their legs spread to the sides so
the puddle is between their knees. Here is where the fun stuff comes in,
tell them to go on three, then start counting (all the while you are
holding the towel) one - two - th....grab their feet and drag their ass
through it
Sent by Keith
Monday, 3 December 2007
Free Indonesian Hadits Digital
A few days ago, a friend of mine sent me a link address where we can freely download Indonesian Hadits Digital. This software contains full hadits in bahasa and has CHM format (compiled HTML).
It has index facility based on topics that enables us to look for a certain hadits easily. It would be hopefully beneficial for Moslems. To download the software, please click here
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